In grief, the kindest thing we can do is listen

For Dying Matters Awareness Week, Val Pinder reminds us that one of the kindest things we can do for someone who is grieving is also one of the simplest: listen.

Val has volunteered at St Luke’s Hospice for 17 years in many roles, but being a Bereavement Support Volunteer is especially close to her heart. She first came to St Luke’s after a close friend was cared for here and sadly died.

Having also spent many years volunteering with the Samaritans, Val knows that people going through loss do not always need answers or advice.

“People don’t need me to tell them what they should do,” she says. “Everybody has to come to terms with grief in their own way. But what they do need is someone to listen.”

As St Luke’s marks Dying Matters Awareness Week, Val believes many people still struggle to talk openly about death and dying.

“People shy away from death because it brings up their own mortality,” she says.

Val says silence is often caused by discomfort, not lack of care. People worry about saying the wrong thing, so they say nothing at all. But gentle conversations can make a real difference.

Over the years, she has seen that while cultures and traditions may vary, grief is universal. Every person’s loss is different, and every person needs support in their own way.

Her message for Dying Matters Awareness Week is simple and wise: you do not need the perfect words. You do not need to fix someone’s pain. Sometimes the greatest gift is to sit beside them, listen, and let them know they are not alone.

PHOTO ABOVE: Val Pinder (right) with Wendy Wood, who has experienced the bereavement support offered by Val and the team at St Luke’s Hospice.