Why we should talk about death and dying

With Dying Matters Awareness Week upon us, St Luke’s Hospice Bereavement Lead Rhonda Culshaw explains why talking about death, grief and loss matters more than many realise

Dying Matters Awareness Week takes place from 4 to 10 May. It is a national campaign run by Hospice UK, and this year’s theme is “Let’s Talk about Death and Dying”.

At St Luke’s Hospice in Harrow and Brent, we care for local people with palliative and end of life needs, so these are conversations we see the importance of every day.

Death is something that affects all of us, but it’s still something many people find hard to talk about.

Often, it’s not because people don’t care. It’s because they don’t know what to say, or they’re worried about saying the wrong thing.

As Bereavement Lead, I support people before and after the death of someone close to them. What we offer is emotional support. It’s not about having the right answers. It’s about giving people a safe, non-judgmental space where they can talk openly and be heard.

A lot of the time, that’s what people tell us they need most.

Grief isn’t linear. People can feel all sorts of things: sadness, anger, guilt, even relief. That can be hard to admit, especially if they’ve been caring for someone for a long time or had a difficult relationship.

Sometimes people are just looking for reassurance that how they feel is normal.

And often, once they start talking, you can see the difference in them over time. It doesn’t mean everything is resolved, but people begin to manage things in their own way.

One thing that comes up a lot is how uncomfortable people feel talking about death. Friends and family sometimes avoid the subject altogether.

They don’t mention the person who has died because they’re worried it will upset someone.

But often, it’s the opposite. People want to talk about the person. They want to say their name. They want to share their story.

You don’t need perfect words. Sometimes just acknowledging the death or asking how someone is doing is enough.

This Dying Matters Awareness Week, it’s about making those conversations a bit more normal. Just starting them can make a real difference.