Finding peace through helping others

Parin Patel, born and bred in Harrow, has been a bereavement support volunteer with St Luke’s Hospice for three years.

But his story with the hospice began long before that, at a time when his own world had been turned upside down.

Seven years ago, Parin’s mum, Varsha, died after a short stay at St Luke’s, when her breast cancer returned after remission. She died just three weeks after Parin became a father for the first time.

Looking back, Parin remembers the hospice as a place of calm during a time that felt anything but.

“Even though everything felt like it was falling apart, St Luke’s felt peaceful. The way people treated my mum, and us, really stayed with me. The treated all my  family like we were patients as well.”

Trying to process grief while learning how to be a new parent was overwhelming, and the months that followed were extremely hard.

“I had this tiny baby at home and at the same time I’d just lost my mum,” he remembers.

“It was emotionally overwhelming. I tried counselling, but at that point it just didn’t work for me. I felt lost for a long time.”

Slowly, through reflection and personal soul-searching, Parin began to find his own way forward.

“I soon realised the only way to deal with the anguish and pain was to start feeling my feelings. From that moment onwards, life gradually got better.”

As part of that change, Parin reconnected with St Luke’s through fundraising. He has since taken part in the Annual Walk five times, spoken at Light Up A Life, and started writing about grief and healing.

But over time, Parin realised that fundraising alone was not enough for him.

“I kept thinking, I don’t just want to raise money, I want to support people who are going through what I went through.”

So he contacted St Luke’s and was guided into volunteering as a bereavement support volunteer. Training helped him understand what the role truly involved, and what it did not.

“The training was crucial. You learn that this isn’t about giving advice or trying to fix someone.”

Most of the time, the support he offers is simply about being there.

“About 90 per cent of it is listening.”

And doing so without judgement.

“You never know what someone’s relationship was like, or what they’ve been through, so you have to meet them where they are.”

While the role can be emotional, Parin says it has also brought him a sense of calm and meaning.

“Helping someone else is so rewarding and puts my own everyday problems into perspective.”

Despite working full time in finance, Parin continues to volunteer every week and sees the role as part of who he is now.

“This is important to me. It’s not something I want to give up.”

For Parin, supporting others has become part of how he lives with his own loss, and how he honours his mum’s memory.

“I know how much St Luke’s helped me and my mum, so by me doing this, means others can get similar support when they need it.”